pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Im part way to drunk.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
