Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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