Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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