sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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