real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
