life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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