I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
