I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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