I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize