Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
