She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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