Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
