so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
