I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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