There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
