By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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