I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
