Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
