Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize