also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
