We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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