I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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