I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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