After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
