And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
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Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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