Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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