But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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