She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
