i think i have two assholes
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
