Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Two words: blizzard sex
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
