every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
