There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
