You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
