i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
