peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
