You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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