i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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