Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
