I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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