Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
