I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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