I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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