I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My feet surprised me
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