i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
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so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
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I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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