TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
