Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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