This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
