i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
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