Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
