I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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