i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
