wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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