What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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