I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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