i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize