Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
