Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
