so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
