she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
