like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
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I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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