it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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