hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
