was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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