You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
